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Hello nleeds,
Welcome - and you have definitely come to the right place! I sent you a private e-mail with more detailed instructions on drain declogging - feel free to correspond with me privately about it - I've had lots and lots of experience in this matter!!! (And I'm pretty good with oil burners too :-) ... LOL)
I am glad to see that your plumbing dilemma has spurred you into action - that is great! Often it is one crisis or another which makes us take action. But this is just the beginning! You will gain so much support here - I'm glad you found us!
Betty
(also in NY, in the burbs)

Hi everybody.
My name is gracie and I joined this list not because
I'm a full-fledged hoarder but because I see it
coming, I mean I can see where I'm headed. My house
has always been messy, I collect *everything* and have
no place for it - I even bought baby clothes at a yard
sale for grandchildren that haven't been born yet
because my kids are still kids! Yes, my intention is
to keep these clothes for 15+ years or just to save
them until I happen to know somebody with a baby,
which is unlikely since I don't socialize much. I do
this "be prepared" thing all the time - I buy food in
bulk that nobody even eats if it's cheap and will last
because "one never knows", too. My boyfriend doesn't
let me do the grocery shopping anymore because he
doesn't know what I'll come home with - all I buy is
canned goods and stuff that can be kept indefinitely.
I never throw anything out, and I too have no energy
to do any heavy-duty cleaning after working on my feet
all day long...
Right now I have a mountain of stuff in the dining
room. Not a HUGE mountain, but there's no floorspace
showing, and this is keeping me from having the home
office I'd been dreaming of (the dining room was
supposed to be converted); I ordered a desk TWO MONTHS
ago and it's still sitting in the box because there's
nowhere to put it! Every time I go to tackle those
piles of things I just do a mental inventory and say
"Nope, there's nowhere to put that stuff..." and leave
it without touching a thing. I can see it getting
worse.
Is this how it starts? Is it something else? How did
everybody else start?
Thanks.
Gracie

Most of the people in this group are hoarders who have recognized that
they have a problem and are trying to deal with it. Many of us came
here after reading articles or seeing TV programs that helped us
recognize what was happening. You might want to check out our Files and
Links sections. There are some articles that give background on
hoarding, and some tips for children of hoarders that may be
transferable to dealing with your son. You can also try the "Friends of

Yes, Miriam, my ex-h called on me. Back then my home wasn't even that
bad. I understand your fear though. You are lucky to be here, there
is so much support and people that have knowledge about matters such as
these. I was on my own and had no one to turn to - it was a very scary
time. What will child services find if they visit your home? You need
to be honest with yourself and with us.
I had a tipoff from a law enforcement person that my ex-H insinuated he
was going to report me - so I had a week before anyone came knocking on
my door. I asked a lawyer friend for advice and he told me that they
were going to check the living areas only - it was not customary that
they would into attics or basements for a normal checkup. At least
those areas still had room in them to put stuff. So I took all the
STUFF that was everywhere and stashed it. I did a massive stash and
dash and boxed and bagged everything and threw it in the basement and
attic. I did not take any time to worry if it was
something "important" - what was more important than my children??? -
that mantra kept me going. The most important thing was clearing out
my living spaces - and anything I REALLY need to find after the crisis
passed was going to be in a box or a bag. I did not throw any obvious
garbage (food or food packages) into the bags, but I did not take the
time to sort papers or throw out junk mail. I would suggest labeling
the bags and boxes (i.e. By front door) so there would be an idea where
the contents came from (I did not do this).
What I did not know at the time was that I did not have to answer the
door to child services!! I never thought to not answer the door or
pretend I was not home, and I never would have dared to deny them
entry, but perhaps someone else on this list has done so to buy
themselves even more time. But, I was ready and the child services
person was very pleasant. It was Halloween time and the house was
decorated and my daughter was dressed to go to a party at school. I
guess that helped to make a good impression somehow - He asked me if I
knew who reported me and I told him I was pretty sure it was my to-be
EX and then we had a nice short chat, but he left quickly as he knew I
had to drive my daughter to the party. He told me that it was normal
to have a followup visit. Two weeks later his supervisor came. So I
had time to tweak the house up even more - cleaned my kids' closet out
and straightened drawers - spritzed with nice smelling stuff. The
supevisor came in, looked around and said she was going to write in her
report that the case was unfounded.
Some people have told me that they have had their refrigerator checked
for sufficient (good) food and/or they checked that the children had
enough appropriate clean clothing -- well, being a hoarder you know
that wasn't a problem for me :-) at least the ENOUGH part - gotta keep
a sense of humor.
So, Miriam, there are happy endings even in these trying times. You
need to see what you need to do to make your house pass muster and then
you need to make a plan to get you there. Going back to what I said
before, be honest with us.
You are paralyzed with fear because you don't know what to do or what
to expect. What I want most for you is peace - At my worst times I
used as my mantra "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
Betty
---

Miriam, my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to have that paralyzing fear.

What will child services find if they come to your home? Do you feel that it is so bad that they will make judgement that it is unhealthy for your children to be there? If so, then maybe you need to think about what it is doing to your children and try to start correcting it. Many of us here have had to deal with inspections and landlords and such in relation to our dirty and cluttered homes.

I'm not sure what the legal things you are in the process of doing are about. Is your ex putting a "lein against the marital home" as he wants to get it or force you to pay for it if you stay there? Are the first two things (continuence & modify previous orders) about the state you are keeping the house in or about him taking house away from you?

JJQ/ Jeanne

Gentlepeople,
I just came back from the courthouse, filing 1 motion for continuance, 2 for modify previous orders, and 1 lien against the marital home. It took me 2 hours, thank goodness for the kind clerk.
Now, I am afraid that my soon to be x husband (STBX) will retaliate by calling child services on me.
Has anyone gone through that experience?
I am now paralyzed with fear.
Please advise.
Thanks,
Miriam

Hi Deb,
You are working very hard, so naturally you feel burnt out - I remember that feeling a few times after moves or other similar events - Make sure you are taking care of yourself -- eating well, taking vitamins, drinking water or gatorade - decluttering can be very hard work!! I hope you are getting enough sleep.
I actually think it's a good thing in a sense that "not one of the rooms is ready" - if that means that you've done work in each area but not one is PERFECT or DONE. This used to be a fault of mine - I would hyperfocus and one area would be done, but the rest - UH OH. So if you are working in one area for a while and clean up after yourself (take out the trash, move the donate or sort box to the next area) and then take a break and start on another area, you will be more effective. You've set your next goal as clearing the rug areas so that you can clean the rugs - this is wonderful - do you have a written plan? Sort of a timeline? A countdown?
Keep at it - you are doing great!!
Betty

Within TWO years! Heck, try 1988.

Deborah,

You've doing such a wonderful job. You've inspired me to get going, too. It always looks worse right toward the end. For me, it's because it's the left over things that really don't belong anywhere or things I have to have to use on a daily basis. Are there any things that you can give away?

Good luck and thanks for being such an inspiration!

Madelyn

mmafor2 <mummafor2@...

Greetings everyone!
I haven't posted in a while, asI have been busy cleaning & moving
thigs for my annual inspection in April.
I feel I"ve made a little progress, but not alot, and not enoguh.
This weekend I cleaned the basement, and made 6 bags of trash to go
out this week. Also, a little to go to storage, but most went in the
trash, which told me something.
My biggest problem right now is not one of the rooms is ready. It
always seems to get this way with me. I've made some good progress,
but the final touches always seem to elude me until like the day
before, in which case I set myself up for an absolute crisis! Does
anyone else have that problem? I know I'm capable of doing what
needs to be done, but I am in big danger of zoning out, and not
doing anything!
This week, I am plodding along, but planned to take Wednesday off to
wash the rugs.. My family has one of those rotary rug cleaning
machines - they sure are great! But realistically, not one of the
floors is clear enough to use the machine! The floors are still
covered - ok, the boxes are all gone, but there is debris
everywherre! I really need to do the floors this week, so if there's
a problem, I can see to it in the next week or so. I really need to
get mobilized, but can't seem to get up and get going with the
amount of energy I need to complete my tasks! I'm far more likely
to "veg out" than anything! Does anyone else have this problem? I've
done things like set a timer - this weekend I gave myself 3 hours in
the basement, and then needed to change activities - so didn't feel
burnt out, but I guess that's it entirely. I feel VERY burnt out!
Help!
Deborah B. in MA

Fish oil capsules may not hurt but them sure give you cat food breath.
Burping will make your eyes water.